The Quarterhole
Arcade Games
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Review – Undercover Cops (Arcade)
Ever dream of a beat-'em-up by the Metal Slug crew? That actually happened. Undercover Cops was developed by Meeher, Akio, Susumu, and friends. You can totally tell. But while it absolutely looks the part and features their signature ridiculousness, it is, unfortunately, not the Metal Slug of belt-scrolling brawlers.
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Review – Smashing Drive (Console)
I can't stop thinking about Smashing Drive. It's an artifact from another dimension, an alternate reality where the idea of Crazy Taxi existed but was never executed. It's hard to articulate how I feel about this game because I can't decide whether its faults are faults or if they're pockets of flavour.
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Review – Cool Riders
If you don’t look too closely, it looks like a bunch of thrown-together digitized sprites trying hard to look cool. Like Pit Fighter; exactly like Pit Fighter. But upon closer inspection, you realize that it isn’t just some ill-advised, thrown-together racing game. It knows exactly what it is. I still do not know what chaotic ritual conjured this game, but…
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Review – Yie Ar Kung-Fu (Arcade)
If Hi-Score Girl is correct, Yie Ar Kung-Fu is where you need to start if you want to get skilled at fighting games. I don't know if that's true, but it's a great place to start if you want to learn about the evolution of the genre.
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Review – Bonze Adventure
The best part of playing Bonze Adventure is probably learning what a bonze is. I'm not sure I'll ever use that knowledge, but at least it's there now. And knowledge is power. Unfortunately, Bonze Adventure is has some great character design within, but not much else going for it.
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Review – Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo
The sequel to the extremely non-existent Super Puzzle Fighter I and the updated version of the also non-existent Normal Puzzle Fighter II, Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo brings you all the puzzling and fighting you'd expect from such a celebrated series. No Zangief, though, so that's a bummer.
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Review – Pu-Li-Ru-La
The beat-'em-up series is a varied as you can get when it comes to putting fists into faces and faces into concrete, but Pu-Li-Ru-La stands apart in its cartoon art-style. It's just too bad that it can't live up to the intense, wall-to-wall weirdness of its third stage.
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Review – Alien vs. Predator (Arcade)
If you were tickling me mercilessly and would only stop if I named what developer made the best beat-’em-ups, I’d say Capcom. Without coercion and with some time to think about it, I might come up with a more interesting answer, but it’s more likely that I’d still just say Capcom. I grew up in rural Ontario, which is a…
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Review – Elevator Action Returns
How is Elevator Action Returns not talked about more? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the absolute most obscure arcade game that I’ve covered. It even recently got an enhanced port (of the Sega Saturn version) called Elevator Action Returns S-Tribute, but it’s so much better than its niche suggests. I already love Elevator Action, the 1983 game that is…
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Review – Zunzunkyou no Yabou
When it comes to arcade games, actually being enjoyable to play isn’t always the most important aspect. To succeed in the arcade – and really, this is still true in what passes for an arcade these days – you needed to be attention-grabbing. Look at the original Mortal Kombat, for instance. It was absolutely shit to play, but the mix…
