Rhythm Heaven Groove gives some bizarre makeovers to previously adored cuties

Rhythm Heaven/Paradise Groove, known as Rhythm Tengoku: Miracle Stars in Asia, is finally here for us all to hear, and boy of boy, it is one heck of an odd duck. As a long time super-fan of the series, I’ve felt that something seemed different about the game from the moment it was revealed. And now that it’s out, I see that I’m not alone. There are a lot of things that the Rhythm Heaven fan community is confused about with this latest, and in some ways greatest, game yet in the series. More than any other title in the franchise, even the 2D/3D hybrid Rhythm Tengoku Gold (known as Rhythm Heaven in the states, Rhythm Paradise in Europe), Rhythm Heaven Groove is not afraid to drastically change up its look.  

Before now, art director Ko Takeuchi, who’s also done tons of work on the WarioWare franchise, was responsible for nearly all the character designs in Rhythm Heaven, using his signature black outlines and flat colors to hit hard and fast with visuals perfect for players otherwise preoccupied with staying on beat. Groove also puts his designs at the forefront, although in ways that feel more adult than before. People are already lusting after the Cat Mom who’s chopping broccoli in the Slice N Dice Kitchen mini game, more so than any Rhythm Heaven woman before her.

“LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY…”

On the flipside, there’s Karate Joe. He’s the star of the very first stage of the very first Rhythm Heaven game, but now, he no longer appears to be drawn by Takeuchi at all. He’s looking smaller, stranger, and more underconfident than ever, which somehow feels right for this deeply unusual Nintendo release.

And did we mention all the times when the game uses stock photos instead of drawings of any kind? Of super hot dudes?  In the A for Effort mini-game, themed around the words Tea, Soda and Cocoa, the man abs are truly popping. It’s enough to make your average cat mom scream. Maybe she’s chopping all that broccoli to burn off her sexual frustration?

If that’s the case, the best cure for her might be to take a look at poor Tambourine Monkey from Rhythm Heaven Fever, because he now has a horrifically big head. And that’s nothing against people with big heads. My noggin is no slouch in the “shiny and bulbous department” (which, coincidentally, is my least favorite section of Walmart). But what’s happening here can’t be explained away with shifting hairlines, or even undisclosed medical conditions. There is, from what I know of cartoon monkey biology, simply no biological cause for a face that cute to grow both a nose and a giant forehead in the scant decade-and-change since the simian’s last public appearance.

POPPING ABS

But I haven’t beaten Rhythm Heaven Groove yet. Maybe all will be revealed at the end of its main campaign, which is about 80 levels long; 30 stages longer than that of Rhythm Heaven Fever, the most recent all-new game in the series. Or maybe it’s talked about at the end of Beatspell, the meaty, combat-focused RPG mode that has it’s own separate Final Fantasy-parody story. Or maybe it’s explained in one of the many additional side games and rhythm toys that you unlock from collecting medals. That’s where you first see Tambourine Monkey’s shocking new dome; in a side game called “Can You Clap It?”. 

Suffice it to say that Groove is the biggest, most feature rich, and variety packed game in the series yet. When it’s at its best, it’s truly the pinnacle of what the Rhythm Heaven world has to offer. No fan of the series will feel like they didn’t get their $40 worth after taking the plunge. That said, sometimes it’s very different than the games that came before it, both in terms of musical stylings, off-beat rhythm challenges, and visual appearance. It makes sense that after the previous games and one best-of compilation, all of which failed to make it big outside of Japan, that this perpetual underdog franchise would want to try new things. 

But they really didn’t have to do that monkey that dirty. They really didn’t.