One of the roommates I lived with after college had an affection for the 3DO Interactive Multiplayer. His family had rented it for a time when he was a kid. So, while I was starting to accumulate retro games, he decided to dip in and grab one off of eBay back when retro game prices weren’t ridiculous.

It wasn’t the best introduction to the system. As an early CD-ROM based console, it was heavy into the FMV games, so we spent a lot of time making fun of Night Trap. Good times. But he also had Road Rash, and while I don’t remember playing it much at the time, it did stick with me enough that I eventually picked up the PS1 version.

I’m talking Road Rash (32-Bit), which is just called Road Rash, but on the credits screen, it says Road Rash 32-Bit. That’s different than the Road Rash on Genesis/Mega Drive, though it’s maybe, kind of related. It also came out between Road Rash II (1992) and Road Rash 3 (1995) on Genesis. Why they couldn’t have just called it Road Rash Extreme in typical ‘90s style, I’ll never know.

BUMP BA-DUMP BA-DUMP BUMP-BA-DUMP

Its relation to the original Genesis Road Rash largely begins and ends at the fact that it takes place in Southwestern USA; largely in the California area. They share some track titles, but the tracks aren’t the same. Notably, Road Rash on Genesis uses a pseudo-3D raster effect, while Road Rash (32-Bit) is full polygonal 3D. I think. The tracks still undulate like a raster effect and buildings curve along with the ground, but I’m pretty sure it uses textured polygons.

The only reason why this isn’t Road Rash 3D is the fact that its drivers and traffic are digitized 2D sprites. This is very much a higher octane of Road Rash in look and feel, whereas Road Rash 3D and Road Rash 64 are… something else.

However, it is smoother than the Genesis games, which is a pretty big deal. There’s also more scenery on the edges of the track, which is important. This feels like the ideal execution of the original formula. This is hardware catching up to ambition. It’s pretty great.

TROPHY DUDE

Backing up, if you aren’t familiar with Road Rash, they’re a series of street racing motorcycle games. They’re kind of ‘tuded up in the sense that they allow you to smack other cyclists with weapons. Road Rash (32-Bit) is especially ‘tudeful, because it has ‘tudey FMV cutscenes, since that was how you communicated ‘tude in those days. They present you with scenes of horny cyclists and sadistic/incompetent police officers. Peak ‘90s.

I mean that as a compliment, but some of the cutscenes are really out there. In some of them, it looks like the actors narrowly avoid getting injured (unless they were actually injured), like when a woman gets flung over a bike and her leg hits the front of a motorcycle when she passes by it. Or when a woman is sitting on top of a convertible’s passenger seat and they hit the gas and she falls into the back seat. It really looks like the dev team was handed a camcorder and they just got drunk and screwed around.

There’s this one cutscene where a dude is holding a trophy full of money, and a lady (presumably the winner) grabs him by the belt and hauls him off. For sex, I presume, but maybe cannibalism. I don’t know, I’m not a biker. But good for her. I hope she gets some.

There’s also a grunge soundtrack with bands like Hammerbox and Soundgarden. All the cutscenes have a sort of harsh color grading over them. I’m not sure how much more ‘90s it could get without adding neon clothing and Taco Bell.

THERE’S NO ESCAPING THE LONG ARM OF THE LAW

Wait, I got sidetracked. I was trying to explain the game. Right. Motorcycles and hitting people. And between that are a bunch of menus featuring images of grotesquely malproportioned characters making very exaggerated facial expressions. They’re depicted doing things like puking and cursing the Gods for a depleted condom dispenser. They’re gross, but also the art is pretty well done. I’m not sure if they’re working off a digitally altered photographic base, but it’s pretty striking regardless.

The menus themselves, on the other hand, are outlandishly slow. I think part of the issue is that each time you move the cursor to a new option, it redraws the entire screen. You can see the text and shadows shift each time. However, it still shouldn’t be this slow; like full seconds each time you move to a new option. Even if it redraws each time, that’s like a new 640×480 image (at most), right? What else is it doing that takes so long? Does it take that long to pull an image from the disc?

You’d be able to get through Road Rash (32-bit) a lot faster if it weren’t for the constant loading, frequent cutscenes, and slow-ass menus. There are technically only five tracks, but after completing them, you move to the next level. I’m pretty sure each level presents the same five tracks but extended by a few miles. You might not notice since the raster effect-type tracks don’t lend themselves well to a sense of direction. At best, you’ll remember when a track forks or when the finish line is coming up.

WALK OF SHAME

You gain money by winning races and eventually can buy better bikes. It’s necessary to win later races, but there really isn’t much of a visual difference. The palette changes; that’s about it. I’d rather just be able to choose my colour scheme, but progression is progression, I guess.

Actually playing the game? Oh, right. It’s simple fun. The best strategy is to try and ride the lines so you’ll go between cars. It can be difficult to gauge space when we’re talking 2D sprites that are scaling toward you at low resolution. It at least feels reasonably fast. It’s enough that you might not even have time to react if something is behind the crest of a hill. That sucks the most when it’s a police officer, and you’re immediately arrested.

When you fall off your bike, you have to walk back to it. It’s kind of annoying. It’s something that feels like it was done for realism’s sake, with nobody pointing out how Road Rash isn’t exactly the most realistic of concepts. You kind of pray that your bike lands near wherever your rider slides to a stop so you can get back on faster. I think there’s a mechanic wherein your bike and rider can only get separated by a certain distance. If you slide too far, the bike just magically moves closer to you. Still kind of annoying. You can drop from 1st to last because of a single bad fall.

THE ROAD RASHIEST ROAD RASH

Otherwise, Road Rash (32-bit) plays great. The difficulty has a good curve to it, though it does start off rather stiff and ends kind of frustratingly. The music is fantastic. The non-‘90s grunge music, I mean. I’m talking the bespoke track tunes by Don Veca. It has an excessive amount of slap bass, and it’s just amazing. It can be hard to hear over the engine noise, and the only option for sound equalizing is engine on and engine off. I wound up just turning engine noise off; the music is too good.

Tentatively, I think this might be the best Road Rash of Road Rashes. I say that even if I enjoy Road Rash 64 a lot more. Road Rash 64 doesn’t feel very Road Rash-y, so Road Rash (32-bit) might be the best in the series. The non-64 series. It feels like the pinnacle of the classic design; something we may never see anything like again. Not something I would have expected from the 3DO Interactive Multiplayer.

8/10

This review was conducted on a PSOne using a disc copy of the game. It was paid for by the author.