The Quarterhole
Arcade Games
-
Review – Rock’n Rage
Musicians traveling through time is strangely well-trodden ground. Rock'n Rage could be called a pioneer of it. Maybe? It involves bandmates hitting mummies with their instruments. I'm not sure there's another game like it out there, so that's positive. It's just too bad the quality isn't quite there.
-
Review – China Gate
Technos might be better known for the Double Dragon and Kunio-Kun games, but they've gone weirder with their beat-'em-ups. China Gate is a 1988 arcade game about the cast of Journey to the West fighting Oompa Loompas and Danny DeVito. I may be stretching things a bit with my interpretation.
-
Review – Undercover Cops (Arcade)
Ever dream of a beat-'em-up by the Metal Slug crew? That actually happened. Undercover Cops was developed by Meeher, Akio, Susumu, and friends. You can totally tell. But while it absolutely looks the part and features their signature ridiculousness, it is, unfortunately, not the Metal Slug of belt-scrolling brawlers.
-
Review – Smashing Drive (Console)
I can't stop thinking about Smashing Drive. It's an artifact from another dimension, an alternate reality where the idea of Crazy Taxi existed but was never executed. It's hard to articulate how I feel about this game because I can't decide whether its faults are faults or if they're pockets of flavour.
-
Review – Cool Riders
If you don’t look too closely, it looks like a bunch of thrown-together digitized sprites trying hard to look cool. Like Pit Fighter; exactly like Pit Fighter. But upon closer inspection, you realize that it isn’t just some ill-advised, thrown-together racing game. It knows exactly what it is. I still do not know what chaotic ritual conjured this game, but…
-
Review – Yie Ar Kung-Fu (Arcade)
If Hi-Score Girl is correct, Yie Ar Kung-Fu is where you need to start if you want to get skilled at fighting games. I don't know if that's true, but it's a great place to start if you want to learn about the evolution of the genre.
-
Review – Bonze Adventure
The best part of playing Bonze Adventure is probably learning what a bonze is. I'm not sure I'll ever use that knowledge, but at least it's there now. And knowledge is power. Unfortunately, Bonze Adventure is has some great character design within, but not much else going for it.
-
Review – Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo
The sequel to the extremely non-existent Super Puzzle Fighter I and the updated version of the also non-existent Normal Puzzle Fighter II, Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo brings you all the puzzling and fighting you'd expect from such a celebrated series. No Zangief, though, so that's a bummer.
-
Review – Pu-Li-Ru-La
The beat-'em-up series is a varied as you can get when it comes to putting fists into faces and faces into concrete, but Pu-Li-Ru-La stands apart in its cartoon art-style. It's just too bad that it can't live up to the intense, wall-to-wall weirdness of its third stage.
-
Review – Alien vs. Predator (Arcade)
If you were tickling me mercilessly and would only stop if I named what developer made the best beat-’em-ups, I’d say Capcom. Without coercion and with some time to think about it, I might come up with a more interesting answer, but it’s more likely that I’d still just say Capcom. I grew up in rural Ontario, which is a…
