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Review – Dead or Alive: Xtreme 2
Lisa had been our partner in volleyball for the entire two week vacation, and in that time, she had never removed her thong bikini. We doubted that she, and indeed, any of the girls, had packed anything aside from bathing suits for the trip. We discussed the state of that apparel, nestled firmly between her two buttcheeks. She had been…
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Console Command – Virtual Boy
The 90’s were a weird time for video games, when you actually go back and think about it. Most people in the west choose to remember the Sega Genesis’ battle with the Super Nintendo, then later the Sony Playstation vs. the Nintendo 64. That’s a simple way to remember the 90’s console market, but when you dig into it, you…
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Review – Coffee Crisis
The beat-’em-up genre is one of the simplest formulas in gaming. During the early 90’s, following the release of Final Fight in the arcades, the genre exploded and found itself host to all manner of licensed tie ins. If you had a super-hero, action movie, or mascot that you needed to cram into an interactive format, the conveyor-belt beat-’em-up was…
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Review – Never Stop Sneakin’
I have a pretty severe distaste for Metal Gear Solid, but I will readily admit that it is stylish, which is probably a big factor in its lasting popularity. It copied its MSX predecessors’ palette of cool blues and greys, giving it a cold and sterile appearance, then bloated it out into full 3D. It really owned its blocky, pixelated…
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Review – Army Men: World War: Land Sea Air
Years after writing this review, I had convinced myself that I accidentally played Land Sea Air on hard mode and wasn't able to change it back. So, I tried it again, making sure it was on Medium. Nope, this game really is so unfair that it's painful to play.
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Review – Ghostbusters (NES)
Out of the small handful of non-gaming franchises that I can claim to be a fan of, Ghostbusters is easily the one that I’m most enamored with. I built my own replica proton pack in high school, I’ve donned a flightsuit for many Hallowe’en nights, and my apartment is littered with related merch. I’ve read the comics, watched the cartoons,…
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Read-only Memories – Animal Crossing
Lost in the mists of gaming trivia is the useless fact that Animal Crossing and Star Fox Adventures were released for Gamecube a week apart in 2002: September 15th and 23rd, respectively. I don’t recall what day it was that I found myself in that Zellers, playing the demo kiosk for Star Fox Adventures. I was a young teen at…
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Review – Metal Gear (NES)
Metal Gear on the NES seems to have suffered the strange fate of a tarnished reputation. It was once unquestionably considered a classic, and while to some it still is, it’s simply not held up in the same light. This may be due to the growing awareness that the NES version of Metal Gear is a port of a game…
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Review – Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders
The follow-up to Maniac Mansion drops the horror/sci-fi pretense to attempt full comedy. It features a tabloid writer looking for an escape from his job. Or something. Honestly, Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders could do with a head shake. But it is a SCUMM adventure game, so it's not all bad.
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Review – Maniac Mansion
Whenever I explore a new facet of video games, I have a tendency to go in hard. If there’s some revered series or sub-genre that I’ve yet to touch, I’ll dive right in from the beginning and blow through as many titles as possible before my endurance is expended. So of course I had a point-and-click adventure phase, what (formerly)…
